The Halloween Fairy

TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT? 

I’ll never forget my daughter’s first treasure hunt.  It was Halloween, when she was about five years old. 

 

 

We would traipse through the neighbourhood, our adorable daughter in costume, and collect candy from neighbours, meeting some for the first time, saying hi to those we recognized, and even discovering friendship through this tradition. The costumes and connections with neighbours were the Halloween traditions I enjoyed. The spiritual associations were disturbing, and so we discussed these, and chose to enjoy the innocent and positive aspects of this controversial festivity.

 

 

But what to do about the candy! I was well educated both in theory and practice, regarding the negative effects of sugar on the human body. Therefore, practicing moderation in our family’s sugar consumption was important to me.  

My daughter loved the trick or treating and the candy! Moderation was not her preference. How could I balance the fun with responsible restraint? Without killing the joy? Without instilling in her the belief that Mom was witholding good things from her? That her mom was the “no fun” mom in the neighbourhood.

THE HALLOWEEN FAIRY

I got a brilliant idea from the mom of a child with a nut allergy. After the eve of candy collection, she would sort through the loot, removing all the treats containing nuts. These would be left at the door. Later that night, the Halloween Fairy would collect the contaminated treats, and trade them for a desirable toy.

I loved it! The Halloween Fairy could come to our house, collect the candy that was least desirable, those orange, yellow and brown, cone shaped nasties, and those paper wrapped stick to your teeth things, and trade the cull of non-favourites for a non-edible gift.  

 

But, wouldn’t it be fun if the Halloween Fairy took this new tradition a step further? Why not make something fun into something wonderful! This Halloween Fairy would leave a note at the front door that would send our girl on a treasure hunt. She would follow clues to a gift, so that all the wonder wouldn’t be over in the first moment after awaking on November 1st.

With great delight and anticipation I prepared a set of simple, rhyming clues that would send my daughter on a hunt to find the greater treasure, which Rachel would find and enjoy in exchange for relinquishing a portion of the nasty candy. A win, win, right?

DELIGHT OR AGITATE IN THE WAIT?

Sadly, my efforts disappointed my daughter. She was mortified to find the Halloween Fairy had left only a piece of paper at the door. I encouraged her to read the note. It led her to another note. After finding a couple of these clues, my daughter could no longer restrain her misery. I held her close as she expressed her disappointment in a torrent of tears. Then I lifted her face to mine, looked in her tear-filled eyes with mine – sparkling with the knowledge that she would soon find delight.

I urged her to trust me. I had prepared something that would not disappoint her. Something wonderful.

Rachel dried her tears, persevered, and found the remaining clues. The tears and disappointment – her distress – were worth it when at last she wriggled and shone with the delight of finding the “Littlest Pet Shop,” toy animals and their accompanying accessories, for which she had been longing. 

 

As I held my child through this agonizing experience which I had prepared for her pleasure and joy, I couldn’t help feeling my heavenly Dad’s eyes on my face.

I was so much like my little girl. I had begged and begged for the blessing of a biological child. I was waiting on so many promises that my Dad, the King, wasn’t delivering. I was miserable and blinded by my tears and false beliefs that God was holding out on me.  

 

 

My child’s face mirrored mine. I looked into my heavenly Dad’s face and saw his eyes shining delight. He dried my tears and held my aching heart.

It was possible for me to delight in the wait, as I searched for the clues in the treasure hunt He had prepared for me. While I desperately wanted the blessing of children – as in more than one – God would patiently teach me that His blessing would take different forms for me and my family.

One clue came to me through Beth Moore’s study of Psalm 128. “The concept of lineage had been the backbone of the nation since Abraham and Sarai were first promised an heir. The type of blessings Christ promised those under the New Covenant widen the table considerably, making room for many chairs.” 

She goes on to quote Eugene Peterson. The picture of blessing, “ … conditioned by Hebrew culture, in which the standard signs of happiness were a wife who had many children, and children who gathered and grew around the table: fruitful vine and olive shoots. This illustration is just that, an example that we need not reproduce exactly in order to experience blessing. (We for instance, don’t try to have as many children as possible – or try to get them to stay home for all their lives!) But the meaning is still with us: Blessing has inherent in it the power to increase.” 

THE TREASURES

There have been plenty more tears as I’ve faced loss and grief and disappointments. But along with these hard moments, there have been clues and treasures that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Here’s my list of gifts:

Greater intimacy with Jesus than I ever thought possible.

Restored relationships.

Joy on dark days.

Intimacy and partnership in my marriage beyond what I imagined.

Freedom from the desperate desire to “Do great things for God.”

Delight in stillness – realizing that God has a calling for me that fits within my limitations.

Great things God is doing in me – such as his Word shifting from promises of what will be – to a description of what is. Here is an example:

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.

As they pass through the Valley of  [Deep Weeping],

they make it a place of springs…

the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

They go from strength to strength…

 

The first time these words captured my attention, I asked that God would make these words true for me. Today, I can look back on every season of deep weeping, and taste the living water that God raised to my salty lips. Today, “They go from Strength to Strength” is treasure for which I’m thankful. 

IS GOD HOLDING OUT ON ME?

Treasure hunts became one of Rachel’s favourite things, accompanying not only Halloween, but Easter, Birthdays, and even Advent. She discovered that the hunting / waiting were as great a joy as the receiving. Not that she likes waiting even now…

But then neither do I. I was reminded of all this today, because I’ve grown agitated in the waiting.

Mark and I have a dream to own and host a guest house for the purpose of creating and offering retreat to people who need to rest in a place of stillness. Our dream house is called “Still Waters.”

We’ve actually put our house on the market to propel our dream towards a plan. We’ve prayed, we’ve felt lead in this direction, but we’re in that waiting place. A clue was left at our door. Followed by another clue. Is this another long hunt? Or are we on the cusp of finding our next treasure? 

At times I wait calmly. Other times I’m wriggling with anticipation. And still other times, I feel my heart agitating with the old question, Is God holding out on me?  Is he withholding my desires? Is He disappointing my dreams? Am I chasing the wind? And overarching all these questions: Is all the uncertainty really necessary in the lingering, greater grief and desperate waiting for other prayers to be answered?

As these questions pulse through my soul and body, I let my Dad in heaven hold me still. I listen to the song He sings over me. You are secure in my love. You are more than enough, “in the one who makes [you] who [you] are.” 

And so I’m able to wait with trusting anticipation rather than the agitating dread of more disappointment. At least for this morning.  

This evening, my Dad in heaven may again lift my tear flooded eyes up to his eyes, shining with delight. He might need to remind me again, that the greatest treasure of all treasures is discovering His shining face, His hands, His voice – in the clues, in the wait. Because He is the True Treasure.

 

BIBLE READING

Numbers 6:24-26

Psalm 84:5-7

Zephaniah 3:17

Ephesians 3:14-20

Philippians 4:13 (MSG)

 

THE PONDERING

Have you been waiting so long for something that you’ve begun to wonder if God is holding out on you? Are you questioning his goodness, his care? He welcomes your honest words, your questions.

Are you agitated in the wait, or waiting expectantly? Wait in the presence of your heavenly Dad. He will shine his face upon you.

Do you need to hear Him singing over you? Bask in the Bible reading selections above or your own personal favourites, and listen…