More Than A Piece of Crap

“She’s just a useless piece of crap!” These words have echoed in my headspace. No matter how I tried to shake them off, they stuck to my psyche like a sticky price tag. They determined my worth. Though the words peeled off, the sticky residue refused to unstick.

For more than twenty years, I tried to prove these words wrong. But anytime I made a mistake, forgot something, disappointed myself or anyone else, even when I noticed other people contributing more than me, the words shouted loud.

What gives destructive words inside a person’s head so much power? I believe comparisons give negative words power. We believe the destructive words because we compare our weaknesses with the strengths of those around us, and we fail to measure up to an impossible standard.

Secondly, destructive words increase power when we give them a podium in our headspace. Emily Freeman tells the story of an Uber driver she met while travelling. The driver tells of a customer who was impossible to please. But rather than repeat what the unkind customer had said, the Uber driver says to Emily, “I’m not going to give her words.” Contrary to the wisdom of this driver, we often repeat the destructive words, allowing them to shout loud in our headspace. Repetition increases the power of words.

According to Beth Moore, in her Bible Study “Believing God,” human words have power because we’re created in God’s image. If God’s words have power to create the intricate design of the human ear, and if we are created in God’s image, then our words have power as well. If God’s word is omnipotent, it stands to reason that our words are potent – to re-create and to destroy. So, both our destructive and encouraging words are powerful, just because we are created in the image of the all powerful God.

Although words can kill, words can also give life. Encouraging words have power to heal the crushed spirit. For years, I fought the “useless crap” label by wielding words of truth. Call it Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or “taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). And I found these disciplines helpful. The voice in my head grew kinder.

In fact, after years of listening to God’s words, that I’m his treasure, that I’m chosen, woven, sculpted, I thought the last of the nasty adhesive was finally gone. But just a few weeks ago, when I found myself facing certain failure – or so it seemed – the “Useless Crap” words screamed at me again. Will I ever be free of this nasty label?

Then I attended a listening prayer group and to my astonishment, someone shared an image of a “pile of crap”. We think it’s useless… but in reality, manure is nature’s fertilizer. It nourishes soil and transforms seeds, small dead things, into roses, radishes and even redwoods.

I got to thinking how we mix manure into soil. And soil is dirt and dirt is dust. And dust is what God used to create man. “The LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (Genesis 2: 7 NIV).

According to Lois Tverberg in Reading the Bible with Rabbi Jesus, this statement is more than a sensory description of the creation of man. A Jewish reader schooled in Jewish history and literature would understand that in the Bible, “dust” is a symbol of “insignificance or finiteness.” Therefore, this description where God breathes life into the man shaped dust, is a paradoxical statement about “our unique value… that we draw our lives from God Himself but are formed from nothing but dirt.”

Is this the reason we wrestle with our self worth? I’ve heard it said that this struggle is woven into the female psyche. However, I believe it is universal rather than feminine in nature. Men and women, boys and girls, struggle to believe and prove they have value.

God could have formed humans from gold dust or diamonds, but instead he chose dirt. Right at creation he chose the substance of less value to form his image bearer. But he glorified the dust by breathing his own life into it, making humanity a little lower than the angels. So if God adds such value to dust, why not dung? God purposed manure to grow life – exquisite, nutritious and majestic. Isn’t it like God to waste nothing? Even waste is useful for growing “beautiful things out of dust.”

And so the “crap” label loses the last of it’s sting. But, can God do anything with the word “useless”? Henri Nouwen tells the story of “The Useless Tree,”

A carpenter and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: “Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?” The apprentice looked at his master and said: “No…why?”

“Well” the carpenter said, “because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax.”

The “useless” tree has purpose, just not in the form of profit. Because it’s purpose is not readily accessible, the tree trades usefulness for time to develop and grow. The tree is overlooked and so, rather than offering rest to one family in the form of table and chairs, it offers rest to the whole community in the form of shade and cathedral.

This label, “ Useless Piece of Crap” has come to mean someone rare and precious, who nurtures, nourishes, and causes seeds to flourish. So perhaps words that were meant to harm, God meant for good. These cursing words have been reversed into blessing and perhaps even calling.

Can God really turn cursing words into blessing? This is no less a miracle than turning water into wine. Who is this, that even wind and words obey him?

Reading

Genesis 37:12-28, 45:1-7, 50:20; 2 Corinthians 10:4-5;

Philippians 4:4-8; Matthew 8:23-27

Pondering

Do you wear any labels that need removing or better yet, redeeming? What are the words in your headspace that don’t deserve the podium? What is the truth that counters these words in your head? Is there blessing hidden deep within the words you carry? Ask the Holy Spirit to reverse any curses you carry into blessing. Ask for a fresh perspective to hear God’s interpretation of the words in your head.

Works Cited

Moore, Beth. Believing God. B & H Publishing Group, 2015, p116-119.

Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit, by Henri J. M. Nouwen et al., HarperOne, an Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, 2015, Moore, Beth. Believing God. B & H Publishing Group, 2015, p17.

Tverberg, Lois. Reading the Bible with Rabbi Jesus: How a Jewish Perspective Can Transform Your Understanding. Baker Books, 2018, ch 5, Greek Brain, Hebrew Brain

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