To be honest, I never quite welcomed Hygge while in Rwanda. Perhaps I just didn’t light enough candles. I endured that winter of the soul in the heat of the equator. I even practiced thankfulness by journaling 1000 gifts.
And yet, I just couldn’t shake my disappointment of accomplishing so little in my time there. Actually, I resented Hygge for taking over my life in a season where I so badly wanted to “do great things for God.”
It was after the next soul winter that I embraced my winter in Rwanda, and my friend Hygge with all her gifts.
We returned to Canada in 2013. Once again, the fears that I just wasn’t doing enough began to encroach. Homeschooling my eleven year old girl required all my limited energy, and yet the nagging voices in my head told me I should be doing more.
I should be serving in the church. I should be doing great things for God. Each Sunday, I would go to church with fresh resolve to sign up for something. Then, as I heard all the options, overwhelm would rush at me, leaving me spinning like seaweed in the surf.
When Rachel went back to school after that first transitional year back in Canada, I decided to take a one year sabbatical to make peace with Hygge and to seek God’s direction for the next season. After all, my only child was twelve years old now and growing less dependent. I couldn’t justify being a stay at home mom any longer.
Still, I kept Hygge at arms length. My soul, mind and body needed to heal but instead of resting, I wrestled. I recognized the swirling spiral of anxious thoughts but felt powerless to stop them.
In January 2015, I was diagnosed with my third episode of hyperthyroidism. This was the worst bout to hit me. I crashed yet again and lived on my couch for weeks.
After showering, I needed to rest before I had enough energy to get dressed. It took weeks before I had strength for a ten minute walk. On the bright side, the racing thoughts stopped as well. In fact, for a while there was no thinking, nothing but naps and Netflix.
When my capacity to think returned, I decided I must get to the root of these recurring stress illnesses. If I discovered and healed the emotional causes for my anxiety, perhaps I could recover without surgically removing my thyroid. I did a Bible study on fear and anxiety and asked God to heal me from the inside out.
I reconciled with Hygge yet again, and in the stillness, God faithfully spoke to me. Two things stand out from that last long winter.
The first is an excerpt from a poem called, “On His Blindness,” written by John Milton, a 17th century poet. He wrote the epic poem, Paradise Lost. However, at the age of 23, Milton felt like his life was passing by, and he wasn’t making progress in his calling. He was frustrated by his blindness, a barrier to his productivity.
As he wrestled, he wrote a set of sonnets which spoke to me as I wrestled with my limits. Milton uses the image of a king to represent God. Here’s a paraphrase of the lines that spoke to me.
The King doesn’t need our work or gifts,
But those who serve him best
Are those who don’t resist his commands.
Thousands travel over land and ocean without rest
In service to the King,
But, they also serve who simply stand and wait (on the King).
Suddenly I realized perhaps God isn’t quite so concerned about the work I do. Perhaps he isn’t waiting with baited breath, “Please, Katherine, please, do something great for me. I won’t know you love me until you do something great for me.”
No.
Instead, God was patiently waiting for me to stop trying to be great and just be me. The one he had designed, the one he had named, the one he valued because I uniquely reflect his image like only I can.
Yes, there are people with amazing stories, and amazing accomplishments. And amazing energy and ability to do many wonderful things in a day.
But…
“They also serve who only stand and wait.”
The “thousands travelling over land and ocean” have opportunity for great feats, but they don’t have opportunity to spend as much time in the King’s presence.
Because of my health limitations I had much time to wait, and ample time in the presence of my King, my Dad in heaven.
As I hung out with my Dad, the King, (again, not much different from hangin’ with my dad all those cold winters as a kid), I realized that God had given me a unique calling.
A calling to stillness.
At first I was skeptical. “Seriously, Hygge as a calling? A way to serve God?! Honestly, I wasn’t really excited about this prospect. In fact, I fought it. After all, stillness can look a lot like idleness and laziness. Especially to my German productivity mindset.
But God spoke to me again. This time from Psalm 16:6: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
If you’re new to the Bible, it might be helpful to understand that it is loaded with images, symbols and themes that help us to connect with God in ways that make sense to us. One of those themes is family. God is Father and his people are his children. A sub-theme of family is inheritance.
Beth Moore explains this theme in “The Inheritance.” In a nutshell, because God is King and Father of the Jewish people, they have an inheritance which includes land, the promised land.
Beth connects the theme of inheritance between the Old and New Testament (NT). Bible writers make many references to adoption as a sub-theme, along with inheritance, so NT believers qualify as heirs too. Therefore, while the OT Jewish people received literal land as a part of their inheritance, NT Christians receive the same inheritance – only figuratively.
In that light, Psalm 16 certainly applies to us. According to Beth, our “land” figuratively represents all that God has given us, our personality, strengths, weaknesses, talents, genetics, history, life experience, relationships, work experience. Even our pain.
“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; Surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
As I read this, I realized I had not been thankful for my inheritance. In fact, I resented and resisted my boundary lines. I compared my “land,” that is, my gifts, my strengths and weaknesses with the land belonging to other people. I thought I had inherited less than…
All my life I had been coveting my neighbors’ land instead of seeing the good gifts God had given me. I had tried to be like other people. I had tried growing crops like other people grew. I had been displeased with my inheritance.
When I acknowledged I had been jealous and ungrateful, I realized what God had actually given me was what I’d always wanted. I hated being busy. I hated rushing. I hated crowds and overstimulation. Why had I spent so much time and energy fighting and resisting my design?
God was calling me to a simple, quiet, slow life. To a life of praying, listening, reading and writing. Hanging out with just a few people at a time.
It’s Hygge! It’s what I’d longed for ever since I’d lost it!
Finally, I’m at peace.
Harmony, between me and my Dad – the King. Harmony in my headspace. Most of the time. Harmony between me and all of you who accomplish great things. Harmony with Hygge.
And, you won’t believe it! I’m far more productive than I’ve ever been! I’m serving within my limits, in quiet ways. I get to do what I always dreamed of but never had time or courage.
I’m writing.
I’m sharing my story of what God has done and how he has given me freedom to be me.
“The word hygge (according to Wikepedia),comes from a Norwegian word meaning ‘well being.’ But it is also speculated that hygge might originate from the word hug. Hug comes from the 1560’s word hugge, which means ‘to embrace’.”
Grace to embrace my design, through wandering, wrestling, working and resting.
“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; Surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
Presence
Harmony
A Hyggelig inheritance.
BIBLE READING
Psalm 16; Ephesians 2: 6-10; Psalm 123; Psalm 37
PONDERING
Take time to identify your opportunities and limits. Which aspects of your design are you thankful for? Which ones frustrate you? How might God want to adjust your perspective?
To whom do you compare yourself? How do you measure up? Do you find these comparisons harmful? How so?
How can you grow in your awareness of the King’s presence? Do you need to redefine what it means to “serve”?
Identify one thing that you can practice in order to live more harmoniously with God. With yourself. With the people in your life.
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11 thoughts on “My Friend, Hygge (Part 3)”
Soooo good – lots to ponder over the next few days…
Enjoy the pondering;)
Hi Katherine,
Again, you’ve eloquently shared your personal life experiences related to what defines people’s sense of value. You’re right when you share how many people define themselves by what they do rather than who they are. God is far more endeared to who we are than what we do.
I’m reminded of the words spoken after Jesus’ baptism. “This is my son , whom I love; with whom I am well pleased. “ Mt. 3:17
What I find most salient is that these words were spoken before Jesus even started his ministry. His Father was focusing on the man Jesus had become not what he had accomplished. The incredible achievements and accomplishments would eventually result from the obedient and faithful son he had become.
Take Care,
Phil
Ps. Keep the writing passion alive as you serve God with this gift.
Thanks, Phil, for pointing out these words God spoke over Jesus at the beginning of his ministry. Another amazing truth, is that God isn’t limited by time like we are. Therefore, he sees what we will become (how he is transforming us). God’s perspective isn’t limited by the “now.” Not to mention that God is pleased with us not because of our good works, but because we’re covered by Jesus work on the cross. So many layers of good new!
Thanks for your insights, Phil, they add value to this blog. And thank you for your encouragement.
So helpful. Thanks.
I’m glad, Deborah.
Hi Katherine,
So very good!
I went overseas with a book mark someone gave me that said, “God is more interested in what He does in you than anything you do for Him”.
So I tried really hard not to “produce” for God but just wait in our 2 years away.
It turned out that I became the gap filler in our time in Ethiopia. The grade 1 teacher was sick for a number of weeks…I filled the gap. The grade 8 English teacher’s daughter was seriously ill …I filled the gap. Two women leading Bible studies were unable to keep their commitment to their groups for different reasons and seasons…I filled the gap.
Waiting is a really good thing. Letting God find our opportunities, not the other way around is a really good thing.
You write so well and so thoughtfully. Thank you!
Thank you Sharon. I love the quote you shared. Many people would argue that we shouldn’t be passive and wait for our opportunities, but I agree with you. And, Waiting isn’t necessarily passive. I read an article that expressed the difference between passive and active waiting. Passive looks like a cow placidly grazing in a field, and chewing it’s cud. Active waiting is like a horse at an equestrian event waiting for the start gun to fire and the gate to open. I think we have seasons for both kinds of waiting. There is waiting that looks like rest, and waiting that looks like full attention engaged, every muscle, taut, ready for action, but not a moment before the command comes. I think we have to learn to listen to God’s voice, and to the needs of our body, soul and spirit to discern the difference.
Thank you for sharing your story, Katherine. Your writing is sooo rich and meaningful. I can relate on SO many levels. I too have struggled with doubts, self-worth, insecurities, feeling insufficient and “never enough”, and struggled with winters of the soul and thyroid disease with its ups and downs , with fear, anxiety, depression, loneliness, etc. I too am finally learning who I am and am trying to embrace it instead of constant comparison to other women in today’s society who do ten times more than I. So thank you for sharing. It is so encouraging. I really enjoy reading your writing, and feel like we’re kindred spirits. The only other person I’ve been able to really relate to in this way is Steve’s mom. She struggled for many years with feeling this way, and she too found her only true solace and identity was in spending time in God’s presence. I recently read Meik Wiking’s book on hygge and other blog articles and really love how you bring the spiritual into it. Sometime it’d be great to visit again in person and share more about our journeys.
Dear Susan,
I’m so glad you’re finding my articles to be a reflection of your story. I know it can be so isolating when we journey through challenges alone. This is precisely my objective in blogging – to “tell what the Lord has done”, so that people like us are encouraged to trust that God has good gifts for us in the hard places.
“Comparisons are Odious” is a quote from a John Donne poem. I use it frequently when I find myself comparing myself to other people.Thanks for sharing your perspective.
I’ve also felt that we are kindred spirits. Hoping to see you again, next time you visit the coast.
Funny thing: I’m thankful for, and frustrated by, the same aspect of my design. . .